thoughts from a passion-filled life.

This post is perhaps my first intentional opportunity to sit down and reflect about this crazy journey thus-far, and believe me when I tell you I've somewhat been dreading it. I've had so many mixed emotions over the last three months, from pure jubilation to shear terror, and I've been navigating this wedding industry with mostly enthusiasm and part caution. The fact of the matter is at the end of the day, I could look at wedding venues, lunch with industry professionals, and edit blog/magazine content till I'm blue in the face, and that passion alone is the only thing keeping me going. But there are some days when the fear of the "hows" creep in...how I'm going to make enough money to pay my bills, become financially abundant, own a home, and move-out of my parents house?! I have this amazing vision in my mind that I can see and feel if I close my eyes...I'm sitting on a grey velvet couch-lounger in my own 3 bedroom bungalow, reading the latest YWD mag with my two puppbabies in my lap (Frankie and his future brother Beans), waiting for my gorgeous and adorable husband to finish making breakfast so we can eat before our baby girl wakes up from her crib. Its an amazing vision that's so detailed I can feel the cold espresso colored wood floors, and marble kitchen counter tops, and....

ahhh...pure bliss.
Still...the "hows" stresses get so much sometimes that it makes it hard to breathe & last month I even went to the hospital, convinced I was having a heart-attack. The anxiety is insane, and on many occasions I've questioned my choice to make this crazy move at 30. Then again, I think about the alternative. I have never been one to stick with something that makes me unhappy (as can be evidenced by my 21+moves since 1998), and I refuse to stay in a career/job that is limiting and stifles my creativity.  So for now, I balance my time as an associate wedding planner for Kelly Oshiro Events, and as the Executive Assistant to the Editor at Your Wedding Day. I'm also trying to grow my blog, and I'm in the process of working on an upcoming photoshoot with one-love photography and some pretty amazing LA staples. I have booked three clients for 2010 with Kelly, have assisted in an amazing photoshoot, visited some pretty outstanding estates and ranches in Santa Barbara, and toured the mecca of fabric stores in downtown. And...in just 4 days at YWD, I've attended planning meetings and site visits for some future YWD events, developed & edited content for our upcoming spring/summer 2010 issue, and have been in contact with some pretty amazing vendors! Seeing it all written down is pretty amazing...and makes me wonder how I keep up with it all (admittedly some days better than others). But as my faith teaches, the "hows" aren't really up to us. As long as I stick with passion, stick with those things that make me happy and help me grow, the answer to the "hows" will appear. I guess that's really all I can do for now. As Wayne Dyer reminds: "When you engage Spirit, your regain the power of your ultimate Source." And that is just what I intend to do.
photography: 1)GemmaCommas; 2&3) unknown(if these are yours, please let me know so I can credit)